8/4/2026
Dear Diana,
Well it has been a year since you passed, and I wanted to thank you for helping me become a better person. All of those life lessons over 34 years have shown me that I could be something more. Had I recognized them sooner I think our relationship would have been much stronger. Unfortunately time is the greatest teacher of all. I apologize for that.
A perfect example is Roy and Mary’s breakup over how to make a baked potato after 60 years was a real eye opener for me and two weeks before Mary’s cancer diagnosis and only months before her passing. I chatted with Roy and he told me that Mary did not always do things the right way. The last straw for Mary was cooking a baked potato and Roy telling her she could do it differently and better. I wish I had not told you how to do things in the kitchen but asked “How Can I Help?”. You were just fine with your way. I apologize for that.
I wished I had thanked you for managing the family calendar. Once you became ill we didn’t get out to see folks and it became very isolating. Not only that, Erin and Mary passed away, Roy moved, Steve and Charlene separated and left, Dock 15 parties died out, Alpha went on to her things, other family members are really old and moving around or dying. I never recognized that our social calendar was always full until you passed and now there was almost no one left. Thank you for a wonderful job of keeping us active with family and friends all the time.
I wish I had told you “I Love You” more often. I was always very non-emotional for most of our relationship as I thought that is what a man should be. It is only later in life that I started wearing my emotions on my shirt sleeves. All those very tearful conversations on the sofa in the final years. I am so grateful we had that time together. I will never forget you and always love you and wish I had been more emotional with you in those earlier years. I apologize for that.
I wish I had told you “Your Beautiful” daily. I could have built you up emotionally and been a really supportive husband. Since I was disappointed with our relationship, I was always looking at others (yes, mainly women, sorry) and jealous/wanting of what they had. Little did I know that if I had put more effort into us, I could have had more than what they had. Then those folks would be jealous of us. You were beautiful both physically and emotionally. I wish I had said your beautiful much more often and made our marriage much stronger. I didn’t realize how strong our relationship could be until I really had to take care of you full time. I apologize for that.
In those final few weeks you said you were sorry for not supporting me more. To me it meant so much that you acknowledged that. I wish that you had supported me more, but only now do I realize that support is a two way street. I think you figured it out that day also. It took two of us to make this relationship work and we did okay as we made it 34 years. It could have been much better and, now that you're gone I know it could have been much, much better. I really want you to know that. Too bad we don’t get this knowledge at birth. I apologize for that.
I’m sorry we did not travel much together. It really came down to money and your ability to pack. We were always short on cash as I was always trying to start a business. With me not going you could do more trips with the kids and the girls and I was alone to work on the businesses, stocks, or the boat and I was comfortable being that homebody. By the same token you were not a good packer and I didn’t know what I needed to take or how to pack it also. I suppose if I had stayed in the corporate world we would have all the money we needed but that was not my passion and that means I forced you to live with the consequences of it. I apologize for not being there with you on all those trips.
I will never forget the day about 10 years ago that I got on the boat and copped a feel of your boob and went to kiss you on your neck and you spun around and yelled at me “Don’t Touch Me. You Make Me Feel Like an Object!”. Over the next couple of weeks you made it very clear that you wanted to be the one to initiate, so I stopped touching you and waited. I used to wake up every morning when I was on the boat for 10 years and said to myself “Is Today The Day? Will She Kiss Me, Say Something Nice to Me?” 99% of the time you would get up, put on your robe and slippers, go upstairs, make coffee and play games on your tablet. Those were brutal non-loving years. I think I could have changed that if only we had a really serious sit down, open and loving conversation. Maybe if I had been better at all the things I outlined above things would be different. I could have been so much better to you and we would not have had that problem.
I wish I had listened to you more with child rearing as you had far more patience. I was always focused on trying to be a billionaire. Yes I brought structure and a male view of things, but many times I was right in the objective but wrong in the method. I’m so glad we did not have children as it would have destroyed our relationship. I am so happy that you had all those fun times with the kids and their friends. They are who they are because of you and they will pass on your love to the grandchildren.
One more little thing. All those candles that I did not like in the bathroom but you did. Well they left black soot all over the walls and ceiling. Well I cleaned it all up except I forgot to do the hatch. It is quite warm now so I went to open the hatch and my fingers got very black. Then I went to close the hatch later and it smashed on my thumb because I was trying not to get more black soot on my fingers. Sometimes I think you're trying to remind me of something like patience that I just discussed.
About a week before you passed, you were lying on your side and looked at me across the room and said “I Love You, I Love You, I Love You”. That is the first time I really felt you really loved me. It meant so much to me. It resonates with me all the time. That was probably the most emotional part of our entire relationship. Thank you so much for saying that.
I wish you could meet the new me from all those life lessons that I learned with you. As I opened, time is the greatest teacher. I am sorry that I could not bring all these lessons into our relationship.
Our contract is over now. I release you.
Now you can get back to having cocktails with the girls…
Love B